Confident Identity

Discover Who You Really Are

Resources

Table of Contents

by Leave a Comment


CONTENTS
Foreword
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Part I — Understanding Your Identity
1. Ashamed or Confident

2. Fearful or Secure
3. Doubtful or Hopeful
4. Rejected or Accepted
5. Isolated and Desolate
6. Connected and Fruitful

Part II – Discovering Your Identity
7. Digging for Identity Clues
8. Your Physical Identity
9. Your Gender Identity
10. Your Cognitive and Emotional Identity
11. Your General Spiritual Identity
12. Your Specific Spiritual Identity
13. Your Personality
14. Your Strengths at Work
15. Assembling Your Identity Clues

Part III – Using Your Identity
16. Vision: How Far I Can Go
17. Consecration: Be Prepared to Go
18. Mission: Go Make a Difference

Supplemental Material
Closing Thoughts
Appendix A — You 2.0 Prayer
Appendix B — Movie and Music List
Appendix C — Spiritual Identity Scriptures
Appendix D — Values Cutouts
Appendix E — Discover More Interests
Appendix F — Example Statements
Selected Bibliography
Index of Scriptures

Introvert’s Guide to a Confident Identity

by Leave a Comment

God knows exactly who you are. This includes all past, present, and future versions of yourself. But you don’t know everything about yourself. God intends for you to discover who you are.

Here are some practical steps so you can accelerate your growth and become all God made you to be. Try doing one of these a day for about 20 minutes.

  1. Activate Your Present into Greater Awareness
    • Write in a journal to experience yourself from the outside
    • Spend time in quiet meditation, allowing your thoughts to move freely from one to the next
    • Talk to a close friend who listens well, deposit your thoughts with them
    • Pray your thoughts, feelings, and desires to God, make sure he knows what’s on your heart
    • Take self-discovery quizzes such MBTI (for example: 16personalities.com)
    • Review your dreams for insights into your desires and struggles
  2. Review Your Experiences
    • Reflect on what happened to you today
    • Reflect on the dreams you had last night
    • Reflect on how your life is different in the past year
    • Review your life in years or decades
  3. Plan Your Future
    • Assess which of your desires align with who you are vs who others expect you to be
    • Select some part of you that you want to focus on developing further
    • Look forward in various time frames (1 week, 1 month, 3 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years)
    • Select goals to accomplish

How to Ditch Despair and Catch Confidence

by 3 Comments

Benjamin Franklin said, “Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.” William Wallace said, “Every man dies, but not every man truly lives.” What is truly living? Is that even possible?

Some people never discover the depths of who they are. They go on living, but keep their talents buried. Others succumb to despair and end their lives prematurely.

Then there are the ones who learn the secret to catching confidence. If anyone knows who they really are — who God made them to be — they become fortified against despair. Identity is the antidote for despair. Those with a secure identity have hope. All hell can break lose, but they know who they are and whose they are.

Those out of touch with their identity will remain stuck in despair. Darkness will dominate both the person who lacks a sense of their identity and the person who experiences a deep sense of shame when they touch upon their identity. One way to look at shame is feeling who you are is worthless and defective. When someone feels worthless, they become increasingly sensitive to rejection and, in extreme cases, see no way out other than suicide.

Those without a strong sense of self are easily deceived and enticed by quick fixes. They will be tossed around like a leaf in a tornado. They are subject to being carried off by anything that sounds good or anything that avoids bad feelings. They can only go with the flow and the default flow is rarely anything good.

If you want to really live, then discover your true identity. You’ll be on your way to reaching your fullest potential. To achieve a confident identity, follow these steps:

1. Be: Simply Exist and Receive Love

Acceptance is the foundation for genuine growth. To receive love, you need at least one person who can love you the way you are, but then also encourage you to become all you are.

2. Identity: Develop the Sense of Who You Are

With a strong identity, you’ll have a built-in reason to live that you can never lose. You’ll have power to give up unhealthy people-pleasing behaviors. You can stop feeling anxious about who you’re supposed to be. You’ll no longer have to depend on others to tell you who you’re supposed to be. You can stop worrying and start living.

3. Do: Practice and Grow Your Abilities

To further grow the sense of who you are, practice and refine your abilities. Talent without hard work will remain dormant.

4. Mission: Fulfill Your Purpose

So far, the first three steps are about you learning who you really are. As you mature, you’ll be ready to fulfill your unique purpose. You’ll be ready to give yourself to a purpose greater than yourself.

5. Live: Enjoy the Time You Have

Be healthy. Take care of yourself and enjoy the life God has given you. Even Jesus rested from his work. Remember that life isn’t about you slaving away 24/7. You’ll only be of benefit to others when you give from the overflow of God’s presence in your life.

6. Sacrifice: Invest Your Time in Others

You can’t sacrifice what you don’t have. Only after you have your identity can you give it up for the sake of others. God didn’t make you to cling to earthly pleasures. Once you have an identity, God calls you to pour all he has given you into the lives of others.

Change is especially hard when you’re depressed. Fortunately, the first step toward health, simply being, only requires you to receive love. Are you tired of depending on unpredictable and unreliable life circumstances for happiness? Find joy by knowing all that your creator intends for you to be.

Does God Love Me?

by

Questioning God’s love is easy when difficult, unfair things are happening to you. How can you feel good about life when you give your all and it doesn’t seem to be enough?

How can God love me when life is so hard? I can’t feel God’s love. My life is pointless.

If you feel alone God has not abandoned you.

God loves you whether you feel it or not. Maybe you feel alone because you’re being stubborn, ignoring God, and/or not doing what he says. Maybe God is growing you right now and you’re not supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy.

I have a better question for you. Is God’s love real to you? You know you are a cherished son or daughter when God disciplines you (Hebrews 12:6). He’s training you for his purposes.

Sometimes God lets bad things happen, not because he hates you, but because he loves you. He knows your life will be better in the long run if you go through hard times but continue to follow him. If he gives you an easy life by giving you whatever you want, chances are you won’t get the one thing you need — God. If he lets bad things happen (which we started by sinning) you may lose the earthly things you want but you may start seeking God. And, if you start seeking him you’ll get the heavenly things you need. While it may not feel like it, God is being caring. God wants you to choose him and experience eternal life with him.

God has always been waiting for you to accept his way. But what is God’s way?

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

–Isaiah 55:8-11

God promises his ways are different than ours. He says his ways are better. Then God explains what his ways are.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed.”

–Isaiah 55:12-13 (emphasis mine)

God said he has better ways, then he says you will go out in joy and be led forth in peace. He provides imagery showing how good his ways are. Finally, he says this will be his sign that will last forever. A sign that lasts forever can only be from God. Look for the signs in your life. Find the ones you know will last forever.

God’s way is full of joy and peace. If you seek God you will find him. You will find that he is God. You will find his way is full of joy and peace. You’ll find nothing on earth can compare with the joy and peace God gives. God’s way is good and beautiful. God’s way is abundant with life. Of course, right now isn’t perfect because of sin. You may not fully experience God’s way till you’re in heaven. If you’re a Christian you’re not home yet, but, fortunately, home is in you. If you seek God, you’ll find that he really loves you. You’ll find he has a plan and an identity for you.

In my book, Confident Identity I say, “When faced with an impossible situation you need a God who can accomplish the impossible…Even though there are difficult times of not connecting with God, He never forgets those He loves.” You will face times when you need God and sometimes it may feel like you’re alone. Remember God loves you and God never forgets those he loves.

God loves you! Because God loves you, he has an amazing plan for your life. He gave you a unique Identity he made specifically for you. God gave you an identity! Do you see yourself more clearly? Do you want to see yourself through God’s eyes? Do you want to dig into your identity and learn more about yourself? Confident Identity teaches you about your true identity.

Knowing God’s Will

by Leave a Comment

You have an opportunity…

… to take a new job.

… to travel to an exotic location and provide short-term help.

… to date a guy you just met.

Do you do it or not? What do you do when you have these choices? Maybe something interesting shows up, just out of the blue. Or maybe it’s been brewing for a while. But either way, there comes a time when you have to make a decision — what do you do? These things can be hard for everyone to figure out. Christians have an extra step: How can I know if what I want to do is within God’s will?

Is God’s will supposed to be an added burden, something Christians need to slog through or search for mysterious signs or Bible passages? Maybe it can be a delight. How you think about this has a lot of do with your view of God—is He a cosmic killjoy, trying to steal your fun? Or is he a loving Father who wants good for you? Someone who delights in you?

The God of the Bible is one who is angry with sin, and its effects — brokenness, disease, hurt feelings, injustice — but loves people enough to send his own precious Son to die to pay the penalty for our sins. He desires a relationship with us.

Which brings us back to God’s will.

His desire is for relationship with Him. Do you have one? Do you desire this, either as someone who has never trusted him, or as a Believer who has—is this what you desire in the present circumstance?

If you do want to connect with God, do you see him as a loving Father? When you know Him as a loving Father, involved in your life as someone who created you and knows you intimately, his general commands, found in the Bible, take on a whole different meaning. They are for your good, your protection from possible harm.

So what does the Bible say? Does it speak directly to your situation?

But what if your situation passes these tests? What then? This is true for so many decisions. Your options are lawful, moral, possibly even obviously really good things. Another question becomes, is it wise?

One thing you want to do is to look at yourself.

What are your priorities? Goals? Interests? Values?

If your interest is in learning about other cultures with a view towards using your education overseas someday, for example, then that travel opportunity makes a lot of sense. Maybe.

But even that doesn’t necessarily mean a green light—more of a yellow, proceed with caution.

The caution is wise counsel. This is where learning, asking questions, getting details, talking with people who’ve had similar experiences or goals can be extremely useful. Does it make business sense? Logistical sense? Financial sense? What about relationally? Does it have the potential to build the type of relationships you desire with God and with others, or might it tear them down?

Prayer is a foundational element. As you ask God for wisdom, he wants to share it with you. Asking God to reveal hidden things, asking for him to provide for you, including all information you need to make a decision are valid requests and a part of the process.

But what if you realize you don’t have a sense of your goals and values? Do you feel fuzzy about what you want? You’re just going along with what sounds good, having a good time and enjoying yourself while trying to make sure you have enough material things you need. That’s ok, but it might be that this is an area that you want to develop and grow in.

Knowing God’s will, his desire for you, is a process. Is he going to give you guidance? Yes, he will walk with you through your decision. But, while sometimes he may give you a clear, specific game plan of what to do, there could be other times he’s allowing you to exercise your free will and preferences to make the decision. The Confident Identity workbook allows you to become intimately acquainted with who you are. When you know your goals, your unique gifting, and your personality, you’re able to know God’s will for your life.

Building Confidence

by

Confidence—where does it come from and how do we get it?

Hebrews 4:16 tell us we can approach God with confidence in order to find mercy and grace, and help. And there are other places in the Bible where characters are confident, either in their actions (think of David facing Goliath) or their attitudes (Paul being confident that God would perform a good work in people’s lives).

Let’s focus on God’s grace. Grace is getting a good thing not deserved. Eternal life with Jesus is so significant and overwhelming (as in crying happy tears of relief and joy). So much so that it’s easy to stop at that idea. But God desires so much more for us. What did he save us for?

Life abundant—overflowing—is what he desires for us. Removing every trial? Nah. God doesn’t eliminate our suffering in this life, though he hates it. The Bible is pretty clear we will have trials since it instructs us on what to do during them (James 1:2-4). But you can live with clarity and purpose. God’s design builds confidence when you sense what God has for you. Despair fades into the background and hope begins to flow.

God wants you to understand not only mercy, but also his eternal, spiritual truth, that he created you with a unique purpose that only you can fulfill. To move forward in life, start with this understand that who you are and how God designed you means everything and makes all the difference. What if you could have a greater understanding of your personality? Are you an Extravert or an Introvert? What does that even mean, exactly? It means more than just liking to show up in the crowd or not. How do you process information? What are your skills?

Confidence is the assurance of something. To have a Confident Identity means you’re living with the assurance of knowing who you are.

Spend time in prayer, asking God for help, for wisdom and insight. God will do his part, but you have a part, too. You can spend time in wise and thoughtful examination. The opposite of confidence is uncertainty. But knowing who you are, discovering your God given mission, only decreases the unknowns and adds to your confidence no matter where you are on the journey.

My book, Confident Identity, guides you through the journey of discovering and clarifying who you are. Your gifting, talent, spiritual identity—all of this covered by a licensed professional counselor who has helps others push through confusion and doubt. I’ll help you walk forward towards your most authentic and purposeful self.